I took a trip to Vancouver back in 2009. Where I had a brief but inspiring re-connection with an old flame. Upon walking the crowded streets and hustled sky train decks; taking a drag off my Canadian Classic dart – He turned to me and said “Smokers are a dying breed, you know.” It was in that moment that I decided I needed to quit.
Failing at quitting is much like failing at anything really. You let yourself down. Although addictions are all entirely mental illnesses, I did not think of smoking as an addiction. However, I also hadn’t come to terms with my addiction to food either.
#1 My nails are yellow?!
I’ve never had beautiful flawless nails. In fact, I used to bite and chew until they were past the nail bed. It was my in-between meals, in-between smoke habit. I needed something to do with my hands. I fidget a lot, usually before, during, and after everything I do or say. Writing has given me some of the power back. I’ve started taking supplements to help bring back some of the nutrients I have lost to help regrow and strengthen my nails. They are growing incredibly fast, and strong. I also, no longer bite… my nails.
#2 My teeth aren’t as nice as they could be.
When I interact with people, getting up close and personal – within someones space. I often find myself asking; Do I smell like an ashtray? Are they looking at my teeth? How is my breath? Then it occurred to me, 1 / 10 people I socialize with aren’t smokers. Meaning the odds of me having to really worry too much about it are slim to none. Then there are customers. I’ve always been proud of my customer service skills, and more importantly, my aptitude for knowledge. That means involving myself in conversation. I cannot stand bad breath and so I can’t tolerate my own to be fowl. If you see me and my breath is bad, for the love of mint, someone please tell me!
#3 Excuses
There are three reasons that make you more likely to smoke. 1.) Hand to mouth sensation. Replacing one habit for another. I always found I ate less when I smoked more. I believe I may end up with a sucker habit in the near future. 2.) Addiction to Nicotine. Sometimes we want that rush in the morning, or to once again re-live those times when it was still a secret. It never does come back though. Except when you’ve quit, and then started again. Hiding it from your friends, your spouse, even co-workers. It feels sneaky and fun! Until it’s not anymore. 3) Social smoker, “Only when I’m drinking” smoker, Bored smoker.
#4 Damnit I can’t breath, I sound like a whistle when I wake up, and don’t get me started on colds.
Every morning when I wake up. Smoking is usually the last thing on my mind. Until… I have dropped my kids off at school, or daycare. Bam! car to myself, morning tunes are playing and I’m going to work.. oh yeah, that place that stresses nearly 99% of us out. Chances are, you’re in the wrong job field. Working for the wrong people, or with the wrong people. Or you might be the lucky 1% that actually enjoys where you are. Good for you!… I like my morning smoke, it prepares me for my day. Wait? Why am I letting a cigarette soothe me before I have even stepped through those doors? Because it’s habit. Then after I have had my 1st. (We all remember the first) My chest is tight, I have this irritating cough and I just feel gross. Why the hell do I keep at it? Colds just make it worse. Sometimes you get 2-3 days without one and you figure. “Hell! I’m quitting now!” Then you walk through a blast of smoke walking down the sidewalks of 50th Ave and your brain wakes up. OH! I need that now. The brain is an asshole sometimes. A Really big pain in the ass.
5# Drugs
Have you ever tried those prescribed drugs to quit smoking? What about the inhalers, chewing gum, or patches? I’ve tried em all. I’ve only ever had success through Champix. But it has nasty side effects. Amazingly vivid dreams though. I think my favourite is when I lucid dream from it, and I fly. Kind of sounds like a 5 year olds dream. Its honestly the only reason I like this drug. Down fall is in winter if I take it, I get insanely depressed. So I think it’s important that you’re mentally aware at all times of your mood when you’re about to start a drug to quit smoking. Keep a log, or have a social circle who will help you stay on track and remind you why you’re doing it. Someone who won’t smoke in front of you for the first month. Or offer you one ….
#6 The number of days left until I have my last cigarette.
I am going into this with full intentions this time. I take an inhaler for fitness induced asthma, which is more severe when I smoke. My daughter is disappointed that I didn’t quit for good the last time. My son is getting old enough to notice what I am doing outside. I also love to smile these days, and kind of want a set of teeth to last a while. Perhaps if I stop looking at it as losing sometimes I thought I enjoyed, then it might be easier to drop. Then again, summer is arriving and that means freedom to smoke without -40 weather and a shiver to urge you through the final drag….
A Fat Girl's Guide to Life. 